Carpool Tutorial

Carpool Tutorial

My youngest son is turning 16 this year, which gives me pause. There’s an empty nest on the horizon, which will be proceeded by college application mayhem. But, before that, he will drive. His driving a car will undoubtedly bring on the next-level ulcer I’ve been...

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Birthday Girl

Birthday Girl

It was my birthday last week. It’s not a big deal birthday – I’m 52. Cards in a deck. Weeks in a year. Nothing to get all exercised about, but here we are. I like birthdays and cake and having a reason to get together, but I’m just not crazy about being The Birthday...

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A Few Words of Warning About Boys

A Few Words of Warning About Boys

My niece just had a baby boy. She already has a two-year-old daughter and is a wonderful mother – calm and engaged, ready with an arsenal of organic produce at every meal. It’s been a joy to watch, as I only know what it is to have a daughter as an observer. I’ve been...

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A Mother of a Year

A Mother of a Year

I’ve heard it said that motherhood is more of a marathon than a sprint. I see what they mean: it goes on for a really long time, and it’s hard on your body. During the hardest stretches, you sometimes wonder why you ever signed up for it at all. If you’ve been...

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The Lifecycle of the Holidays

The Lifecycle of the Holidays

I like Thanksgiving. I don’t really like turkey, but I do like pie and forced gratitude. I decorate the table in brown and orange, presumably to match the turkey and the carrots. It’s fine. But really the best part of Thanksgiving is when it’s over, because I can get...

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An Open Letter to My Cleaning Lady

An Open Letter to My Cleaning Lady

I don’t want to bother you while you’re quarantining with your family. But just real quick: why is everything so sticky? I remember the last time we said goodbye. It was like any other Tuesday. Your skin had that nice sheen of perspiration about it, and in my memory,...

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In the Age of Quarantine, Marie Kondo is Out of Luck

In the Age of Quarantine, Marie Kondo is Out of Luck

I’ve been imagining what quarantine is like for Marie Kondo in her tidy home, surrounded by the six items that spark joy in her heart. She is fully prepared for a military inspection or a surprise visit from her in-laws, but she wasn’t ready for a global pandemic. I,...

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Grieving Our Plans

Grieving Our Plans

During the first few days of the COVID-19 crisis, I shook my head a lot: This isn’t so bad, people are overreacting. They can’t just start canceling things. I have plans. Obviously I was in denial, the first stage of grief, and it was my plans that I was mourning. My...

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Asstronauts on Vacation

Asstronauts on Vacation

I met a whole family of Asstronauts on vacation. As defined in a prior article, an asstronaut is a person whose personal mission is so much more important than the rest of ours that he or she is not bound by the rules of our society. The whole thing revolved around a...

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A Lifetime Christmas

A Lifetime Christmas

My husband went away for the weekend at the onset of the Christmas crunch. I planned to put on my cape and become Super Me: Christmas Edition and kick things into high gear. But before I got started, I sat down to watch a Christmas movie on the Lifetime Network...

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