Category Archives: Women and midlife

New Years Day Has Been Moved

It’s been three weeks since I flubbed my New Year’s resolution. I’m not proud of this fact, but here we are. Just like last year. I think the main problem with New Years resolutions is that they happen on January 1. There is no worse day in the year to try to turn things around.

What worse day to commit yourself to a strict diet that the day you wake up with impossibly high blood sugar and a stomach stretched to twice its normal size. You ate your weight in baked brie the night before, so you need a burrito, not a bowl of berries. You’ve just spent ten days grazing on breaded delicacies and mysterious shapes dipped in chocolate. You briefly wondered if it’s popcorn or nuts under all that chocolate, as you shoved another handful in your mouth. Somewhere during the last week of December, you succumbed to the Honey Baked Ham, which is pretty much salty pig candy. You’re in no shape for drastic change.

Several people have told me they were going to stop drinking alcohol for the month of January. I can only imagine how that went. First of all, pick a month with fewer days. Secondly, alcohol was invented for January. It gets dark at 4pm and the sun doesn’t rise until after 7. If you like the nightlife, January is for you! Why not quit drinking during a month where you can go out and enjoy wholesome things like walks on the beach and guacamole. You’ve got to ease your way back from the cumulative hangover that stems from getting together for a few holiday drinks thirty days in a row.

The fiscal resolution is one of the trickiest. It starts out okay, because you can get away with spending absolutely no money on January 1. Chances are you have half an open bottle of champagne by your bed and a half a Honey Baked Ham in the fridge. You can stick to this feeling of austerity right up to the 10th when your holiday credit card bill rolls in. That thing packs a punch like no other bill you’ll see all year. In fact, my first instinct is to call the fraud department, hopeful that some lunatic has stolen my credit card and has gone on a bender at Amazon. Every year, that lunatic turns out to be me.  The truth is that I only spent $80. Two hundred times. There are millions of tiny little charges that seemed so necessary at the time. An extra trip to the Home Depot for just one more wreath. The Christmas Eve celebration. The Christmas Day celebration. The Boxing Day bonanza. The salty pig candy wasn’t cheap either.

If your resolution was to get your house organized (ahem), why would you pick the messiest, most cluttered day of the year? Remnants of gifts (and often the gifts themselves) need to be thrown out before you can even tackle your normal mess. The toys and shoes that needed to be sorted and culled months ago are now hidden under a dust of pine needles and ribbons.

The good news is that I’ve just given you all the excuses you need to feel good about your New Year’s failure. The bad news is that it’s now February 1st, and it’s go time.  January is just the buffer month, a month to get the tree off the curb and maybe cut back on the sodium. January is here to ease us back in; not to help us lose weight but to maybe help us slow the rate of gaining. So today’s the day.  Happy (adjusted) New Year. Let’s be grateful it’s a short month.

I’m Turning Into My Grandmothers

I love those Progressive Auto Insurance commercials where they joke about how we’re all going to turn into our parents. Precocious as I am, I’m starting to think I’ve skipped a generation. I’m turning into my grandmothers. I had two grandmothers who were totally different from each other. Dora, my maternal grandmother, was a bit… Continue Reading

The Upside of Scarcity

Many years ago, my son received a Thomas the Tank Engine train and a circle of tracks as a gift. He was two years old and could zoom Thomas around that track for hours, frontwards, backwards, crashing into imaginary obstacles. He loved it so much that I bought Thomas a buddy, his faithful passenger coach… Continue Reading

How I Became A British Aristocrat

I was laid up for the month of December. I was recovering from surgery, and I’d gladly tell you all about it but after watching a solid month of Downton Abbey, I’m starting to think maybe I shouldn’t talk about such things in mixed company. I mean Lady Mary had some kind of women’s surgery… Continue Reading

The Ins and Outs of the Thank You

One time someone did something really nice for me. I was full of gratitude so, naturally, I wanted to thank her. I could have immediately sent a text. I could have taken the extra 10 seconds and sent an email. I could have opened a drawer, pulled out a piece of stationary and written a… Continue Reading

My Dishwasher and Me

Sometimes the deepest friendships take a while to solidify. They don’t seem obvious at first. Maybe you have different interests, different backgrounds. Maybe one of you is a human being and the other is a dishwasher. Whatever the barriers are, they can often fall away once you spend a lot of time with someone. My… Continue Reading

Growing Up in a Marriage

When I was a newly engaged 25 year old registering for wedding gifts, I chose two sets of champagne glasses – fancy crystal ones and the cheaper, boxed ones for everyday. Yes, you read that right. In my mind, we’d definitely need everyday champagne glasses, like for Mondays. Marriage isn’t exactly what I thought it… Continue Reading

The Time Warp of Back to School Night

As publishished in The Week on October 21, 2015   The cool kids are hanging by the lockers, laughing and talking a little too loud. The nerds are in the classroom early, eager to shake hands with the teacher and nab the seats in the front row. The girls are put together in skinny jeans,… Continue Reading

Now Extinct: The Cringe-Worthy Prom Photo

As published in The Week on May 27, 2015 As I feverishly photographed my son and his friends before the prom, it occurred to me that something was not right. The boys looked as I expected in black tuxes and combed hair. But the girls were all wrong. Their dresses were simple and flattering. Their… Continue Reading

Cracking the Dress Code

As Published in The Rye Record on April 3, 2015 A few weeks ago, before the thaw, I was invited to a dinner party and was told in plain English to wear a dress. Honestly, I was just as happy to have been told what to wear as I was to be going to a… Continue Reading

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